This might seem like an egotistic pursuit at first glance, which goes against the generally believed notion that "good people are charitable and slavishly look after the welfare and comfort of others, before thinking of themselves. Additionally, such devotion to others, brings its own rewards of satisfaction, love and popularity." How many of us have followed this doctrine, only to find that those around us have not appreciated the sacrifices we have made and then find that we feel cheated and used. This is due to the fact that we have not been following our own desires or creating our own lifestyle. Often, we have been living someone else’s life and trying to create an image of what we should be rather than what we are. This is often because we are afraid to show ourselves as we really are, because we feel that others will not like the real me. Such thinking is very common and has the effect of allowing us to avoid getting to know ourselves. This is also a problem for relationships too, as how can others love you, if you are not presenting yourself as you really are. Living in this inauthentic manner is both destructive to the self, (as dreams and aspirations remain unexplored and unrealized) and also to personal relationships, as real intimacy is only possible when we present ourselves honestly. The first step to improving your life experience is to get to focus on the self. Notice your emotions and reactions and how they make you feel. Be guided by your feelings, they are there for that purpose. This will be the beginning of a great discovery and will lead to a more authentic lifestyle and relationships. If you have hang-ups or emotional problems, these can be faced and sorted out, so that you will be less fearful of presenting the real you to the world and free to follow your dreams and desires.

Yildiz Sethi - Counsellor 02 94166440 City/Roseville.